killing Ralphie

It’s Friday and I have about 500 things to do, so I decided I would write about them instead of do them. I am an accomplished procrastinator. Or maybe I recognized that I have way too many things to do and not enough time to do them, so I already gave up. That is also a very real possibility.

Not only is it Friday, it’s also pay day Friday and formal Friday. So I got paid (it’ll be gone by Monday) and I am going to my last fraternity formal later (I’ll be gone by the time I arrive).

“Sort of” is starting to make an exit in my life as “concrete plans” begin to enter. Living in “sort of” was actually much easier than the process of phasing it out will be. Here I was, thinking a cover letter was the most painful part of applying for a new job. In fact, actually getting the job has proven to be much worse. The amount of paperwork they emailed me caused the room to spin for a good 10 minutes. When the spinning slowed, I began opening and printing each of the twelve attached files.

Help me.

I masked the stress under a celebratory guise as I inhaled an entire pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, remarking, “I just got hired! I’ll eat a pint of ice cream if I want to!” Mentally, I was sitting on the kitchen floor, propped up against the sink cabinets in fetal position, wide-eyed, feeling a lot more like Randy from A Christmas Story when Ralphie beat the living hell out of Scut Farkus than an accomplished “adult.” If you don’t know what I mean, firstly, you are uncultured. Secondly, hit up ABC next Christmas. You’re welcome. (Side note: that movie is the stuff of nightmares for kids. I still get anxious when I watch it.)

So my question is this: why does no one ever tell you about the part where getting a real job is as equally stressful as finding one in the first place? Is this just a first-time, big-girl job anxiety right of passage that everyone has and never speaks of?

I’m really glad there’s an open bar tonight.





One thought on “killing Ralphie

  1. Used to be, back when the world was kinder, someone from Personnel (before everyone was Human Resources) would sit with you and help you fill out your (paper) forms. Now you feel abandoned right away, left to your own devices, with a hundred electronic forms to fill out, and different user names and passwords to memorize! It’s so stressful!


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