real text messages regarding the events of last night

from my best friend, the Stripper Scientist:

“saw Lover #3 at bar, caused scene” to Stripper Scientist @ 7:16 am

“Oh Jesus what did you do” from Stripper Scientist @ 7:19 am

“walked up to him and he threw his hands in the air and started yelling, so he did it” “and I was like would you fucking stop you’re such a child” to Stripper Scientist @ 7:19 am

“what did he start yelling” from Stripper Scientist @ 7:20 am

“Get away from me” to Stripper Scientist @ 7:20 am

“Bahahaha” from Stripper Scientist @ 7:21 am

from my other bff, who requested the boring pseudonym “Sally:”

“Lover #3 was at Kildare’s being a child” to Sally @ 7:20 am

“I remember saying hi to him and him bitching about you” “And I literally said like just do her finances and get over it” from Sally @ 7:21 am

“And he was just like ‘why is she here!’ And I was like TO BE DRUNK like what does he expect lol” “It was weird it reminded me of high school relationship shit” from Sally @ 7:22 am

“Like what, am I not gonna go out in WC? I live here?” to Sally @ 7:22 am

“Yeah I was taken aback by how weird he was acting and he kept like trying to dance with us it was like he was alone or something” from Sally @ 7:23 am

“He wasn’t his friend FratStar500 was there with him.” to Sally @ 7:23 am

“I mean we straight up got in a fight the second he saw me like I tried to walk up and just say hi and like be mature and he flipped out.” to Sally @ 7:24 am

“lol that’s so weird he was like ‘all my friends show me her social media’ and I was like ok what about it and he had nothing to say it was like he wanted me to be like OMG yeah it’s fucked up! But like it’s not so I felt awk” from Sally @ 7:26 am

“I knew they did cause suddenly his brother watches every single story” to Sally @ 7:27 am

from David, my female roommate and dear friend, who is most certainly not actually named David:

“Did you talk to him yesterday?” from David @ 9:24 am

“I went to the bank and briefly spoke with him. Didn’t I tell you he tried to act like he didn’t know me?” to David @ 9:25 am

“Whaaaa? No you didn’t” from David @ 9:26 am

“I know dude it’s disappointing that he’s like that. Stripper Scientist is like he’s just so hurt still. And I guess 3 months can still hurt but at least be an adult about things.” to David @ 9:26 am

“He’s only making it worse. Can’t he be a big kid about it” from David @ 9:27 am

“I hope you never have to talk to him again. He’s way too dramatic.” from David @ 9:30 am

“…oh i forgot to tell you the worst part.” to David @ 9:30 am

“So I was talking to Sally about it, too, right?” “She goes yeah he told me that all his friends show him your social media.” to David @ 9:30 am

“The fuck” from David @ 9:31 am

“Like he’s spying on me dude” to David @ 9:31 am

“What the hell is wrong with him” from David @ 9:31 am

“And Sally was like I don’t know what the point of telling me that was, it’s not like you’re doing anything crazy” to David @ 9:32 am

“He had to know she would tell you” from David @ 9:32 am

“Right but like okay so you blocked me on everything and get your friends to show you, like good job you are a 14 year old girl” to David @ 9:33 am

why is this even a thing?

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