this is fine.

I try to catch up on my blog reading on Sundays. Especially now that I won’t have the same low-maintenance desk job I used to have, reading at 11:00 AM every morning may be a tad difficult. But Sunday mornings, wide open for reading all the wonderful things other bloggers are talking about.

reading other people’s work inevitably gets me thinking about the things I want to be writing about. That’s a big part of how writing works. You read what other people have written and it starts to inspire you to write something of your own. Or maybe that’s just me. But yes, that is a part of my process.

a few weeks back I said I was trying to be more positive, but my blogs have been relatively negative. Lately, things have not been going as ideally as they should. My dad kept reminding me while I was home, “Haleigh, things are going well for you, but you get in your own way sometimes.”

he was referring to my speeding ticket, which really, was just another count on the docket.

David, who, as I will remind you, is not actually named David and most definitely a female, knows a lot about me because she lives right across the hall from me in my humble little trap house and we are, simply put, two peas in a pod. Except David has slightly less shit hitting her fan on a regular basis than I do.

So David recognized that since January, my life has been one dramatic episode of complications after another. 2017 has seriously been kicking my ass. So she got me this card.

borrowed from KC Green

this meme has been sent to me multiple times, usually with the caption, “lol, if this isn’t you, I don’t know what is.”

because I am that dog. I can’t think of a time where my life wasn’t a room ablaze and I was quietly thriving in the chaos.

I handle chaos well at this point. Dramatic as I may sometimes be, when things really start shaking up, I always seem to find my center and handle the situation.

perseverance and determination in the face of disaster are important qualities to have.

when I started honing in on this particular quality, I am not sure. It probably started with horseback riding – panic when the horse panics and you’re gonna have a bad time.

but I really think chemistry class set it in stone. Everyone should take a chemistry class – I think I refer back to that class more than any other class I took in all of my high school career. Second is probably creative writing.

I had a friend in high school who had a lot of stress and anxiety issues, was on medications for it. I had to drive her home early once because she had a mental breakdown in the middle of the day senior year, long story short, her mental health was not the greatest.

we met freshman year in English, but we became good friends in sophomore year chemistry when we got put in the same lab group. I was awful at the theories behind chemistry until lab day came – when I actually did the thing, it clicked. Euphemia, my friend, was excellent at the theory, but not as strong in the lab. Together, we made a pretty solid team.

but we were still 15 year old girls with chemicals. Sometimes we messed it up. These mess ups would send Euphemia into a tizzy. I was always like “wait…wait…no, we can fix it if we just…do…this!” [insert magical resolution here].

we got A’s on every lab.

Euphemia and I started a half-baked baking business senior year. She liked to bake and I definitely know how to bake a cake (yeah, I’ll blog you a recipe sometime), so we decided it would be a fun way to make some money. As it turns out, we were terrible business women, so we lost money and to this day I have a plastic tub of old baking supplies in my bedroom that we barely used.

but sometimes we did get clients!

baking together went a lot like mixing chemicals together did.

we had this order for lavender-lemon cupcakes. Or something like that. We needed 24 cupcakes but Euphemia had a recipe. Fine. No big deal.

apparently it was a big deal.

we toiled through the recipe for about 25 minutes and came up 2 cupcakes short.

Euphemia was about to put a plastic bag on her head and was real confused when I was like, eh, happens, and whipped up two cupcakes’ worth of batter in under 5 minutes. Euphemia looked at me like I had saved her life.

these are pretty low-consequence situations.

I tend to black out when I fix the problem in high stress situations. It’s like my mind can’t be bothered with storing away the memory, just fix it and move on. I swear sometimes I actually go blind in the moment. But I’m completely calm. If anything, I’m mildly annoyed.

like when the horses I rode would throw fits.

one time, Murphy got stung by a bee in the courtyard while I was on his back. He decided he wanted to roll. As he frantically fell to his knees, I calmly dismounted. I got a lot of confused stares when I smacked the bee off of his rump and hopped back on. I was 12.

or the time Jefferson, the mild mannered old soul, decided to be a wild and jubilant race horse – at a horse show. After a disqualification because he outright refused to go anywhere near the fence, I was decidedly over his meltdown. Second time in the ring, we were making it through, everything was fine.

until it wasn’t.

we were halfway through the trip, coming over an Oxer, on course to track right. Jefferson zigged and I zagged. Next thing I knew, I was staring at the cross beams in the ceiling. I just laid there for a second, trying to figure out what the hell just happened.

heavy sigh. up we go.

when I stood up, Jefferson was already back at the gate. What a jerk.

these are instances where feeling any type of way just doesn’t matter. Shit happens. You get dirt stains on your favorite polo. You run out of cupcake batter. You crash your car. Your friends get in trouble. YOU get in trouble. You just have to look at these situations and say, “this is fine.”


because stressing isn’t going to make it go away. Getting upset and losing your cool isn’t going to change the fact that you just ate it in front of a crowd after your horse had a meltdown. I’ll tell you what it will do: make it all way worse.

you just have to get back up and brush off the dirt.


2 thoughts on “this is fine.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s