hot mess

It’s fun to pretend to be a hot mess. It’s not as much fun to actually be one.

I like to pretend I don’t have it all together, even though I really do. It’s more fun to act like everything is in disarray even though I’m completely on top of it all. Maybe I think it helps to keep me relatable. Maybe it’s just so in the event that I do make a mistake, everyone was already under the impression that “it was bound to happen eventually.”

Sometimes, I look at a situation and break down the solution into two categories: the right decision and the wrong decision. Have you ever picked the wrong decision on purpose just to see what happens? It’s like pushing the red button that says “DO NOT PUSH”

sometimes, nothing happens.

sometimes, the decision you make in response to a situation does absolutely nothing to alter the string of events that take place after it.

In choosing the wrong decision on purpose, I have learned a lot about decision making, control, and consequences. Obviously, if you are going to try this lifestyle technique, I suggest knowing when and when not to use it. For instance, if someone cuts you off in traffic, you can mentally berate the person and move on with your day, or you could ram into the back of their car on purpose to teach them a lesson. Don’t ram your car into other people’s cars. That’s crazy.

I honestly can’t think of an example where doing the wrong thing on purpose sounds like a good idea, because it inherently is a terrible idea, but sometimes good things can come of it.

But you will start to get some hot mess street cred.

UPDATE: I thought of the perfect example:

Take two Wednesdays ago, when I was driving home from work and suddenly my options became “go home” or “drive to New York City.”

I drove to New York City. It was magical. Did I leave too late? Yes. Was it irresponsible? Debatable. If I had stayed all night, called off work, and let it vastly impact my next day, sure. But I didn’t do that. Why? Because I know how to work within the confines of craziness and control to exact the best outcomes from the strangest decisions. It’s a part of who I am.

I highly recommend trying it. I also say that with the knowledge that if you do try it, you will mess up in the beginning. It takes a while to get it right.

In an attempt to live my best life, I make decisions like this regularly. I think I have been misconstrued as out of control, lost. That’s not really fair. Some of the people who come at me with accusations of irresponsibility are also not really in positions to talk about it. I find that really interesting. It’s like, in trying to control me, maybe they can control themselves. But I refuse to be controlled by people who really don’t know.

If I am such a hot mess, if I am so out of line and crazy, so unbelievably irresponsible, why are all my bills paid? Why am I successfully living on my own? Why am I doing so damn well?

Surely if I was that unbridled, it would all be falling apart. Nothing is falling apart.

I am thriving.



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